NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I don’t either wish to cry or laugh over what happened in 2011.
It might not have been a great year but that’s not something unusual for me.
2010 was even worse for me when I lost a few of my dear ones.
Hope 2012 brings smile on everyone’s face.
We must live this year as there is going to be no more life after this one.
We must do every NICEST thing this year which we ever dreamt of.
Thinking on the same lines, I’ve come up with my NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.

1. I’d lose my TUMMY.
2. I’d be more NICE to others.
3. I’d start practicing MEDITATION.
4. I won’t react to any CRITICISM which come my way.
5. I’d be a better SON and a better BROTHER.
6. I’d get my graduation and post graduation degree. No more JUST 12th pass.
7. I’d get rid of CYNOPHOBIA as much as I can.
8. I’d learn SINGING and DANCING.
9. Last but not the least, I won’t MARRY this year.

At the end, I wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year.
Hope all your NICE dreams come true and you conquer new heights of success.

P.S. Song of the Day – “Phir Se Ud Chala” from Rockstar.

DREAD of the DREAM

Dreams – No one knows the exact reason behind how you get them. Some says that they are just the reflection of some real life incidents stored somewhere at the back of your mind. I don’t second that. I had many weird dreams which I can’t relate to real life. And yesterday, I had the weirdest dream of my life. It scared the pants off me. I have died many a times in my dreams but never felt so scared. This dream was more dreadful than any of those deaths. Death frees you from the bondage but this one clutches you tightly in its deadly claws. I felt helpless. No one was there to help me. Even my parents alienated me. While writing it out here I can still feel the dread of the dream.

I was happy for my friends who were going to get married within a year. They even used to ask me about my marriage plans. And my reply used to be – “Baba, I have just finished my education. I do not have any plans to marry for next two years.” I did not wish to commit for at least next couple of years.

In this 21st century where children do have their say in the matters concerning their life, something very unexpected happened to me. That day, I got a call from my parents who said – “Beta, be ready by evening. Today is your MARRIAGE.”
“Woahhhhhhhhhhhh”, the first sound I made after hearing it.
I was shocked. “Is this any surprise package for me from my parents? When did they do all the arrangements? Why did not they keep me in the loop? Is the girl they chose for me beautiful?” such questions thronged my mind.
“Maine to kabhi us ladki ko dekha hi nahin. Aur apne mujhe use kabhi dikhaya bhi nahin?”, I asked.
“We don’t want to hear any questions from you. Just be ready by evening.”, my parents replied.
“Aap suno to sahi. Main aapki pasand ki ladki se shaadi kar loonga but mujhe 2 saal to free rehne do.”, I pleaded.
“No more arguments. Our decision is final.”
And when they were about to hang up the phone, I asked in low voice – “Achcha ladki ke ghar ka pata to de do.”
They hang up the phone after giving me her address.

“Saala doston ko 2 saal tak bola tha ki shaadi nahin karunga. Woh baat bhi jhoothi ho gayi. I don’t care – baat jhoothi ho gayi to ho gayi but saala mujhe 2 saal to chen se jeene do”, I contemplated.

Saari umra hum mar mar ke jee liye,
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do jeene do.
Give me some sunshine, Give me some rain.
Give me another chance, I wanna grow up once again..

I went hurriedly to that girl’s house who I was about to marry. Their house was a two-storeyed building. I asked about the girl from someone at the entrance. “She is upstairs in a room right to the stairs.”, someone replied.
I reached upstairs after being properly guided. When I was about to enter the room right to the stairs, I saw the backside of a girl/lady folding a bunch of clothes strewn on the bed.
She was wearing a pink gown with a ribbon tied at the backside. She had lots of red-colored bangles in her hand.
“Hey bhagvan, aage se bhi dikhne mein sahi ho!!”, I prayed to God.
I nervously knocked at the door. She quickly turned around but her hair did not float in the air as she had already tied them into a beautiful bun.
She was good looking but not close to the one I ever dreamt of. She had the looks of a newly married woman. She had lovely red lipstick on her lips with big jhumkas(earrings) hanging from her earlobes. A red long bindi on her forehead was looking pretty beautiful.
“Who are you?”, she asked me.
This was the second non-electric shock I got that day.
“Saala, isne bhi aaj tak mujhe nahin dekha. Yeh ho kya raha hai??”, I thought.
“Tumhara hone waala PATI”, I replied in desperation.
“Hmmmm…”, she murmured and started advancing towards me.
She wore a weird smile on her face as if she got the BAKRA she was searching all her life.
I got a bit tensed anticipating her next move. She stood next to me and raised her right hand to the level of my head.
“Height to apan donon ki lagbhag barabar hai”, she said after matching our heights.
I calm down a bit and smiled faintly.
“Haan woh to hai.” I replied lowering down my head in consent.
She kept staring at me through her kohl-ladened eyes. I was feeling discomforted because of her stare.
“Main yeh shaadi nahin kar sakta.”, I somehow uttered.
She did not say a word for a minute. Instead, she brought her face close to my face.
And then on my neck, around three or four times, she kissed gently.
I felt as if some lightning struck me and I went numb and dumb.
I looked at her for a few seconds and she too kept looking back at me.
My brain went blank. (Even now I am unable to recall what I might be thinking then. I can just feel the wave those pecks created and which plunged into my body.)
I could not stand her look and went away without uttering a single more word.
When I was on my way home, I could not decipher what those pecks did to me. At that instant, the feeling I had was of a mixed sort. It was like a person laughing and crying at the same time. I was almost ready to marry her but still kept thinking, “Shaadi to main usse kar loonga but yaar 2 saal tak shaadi postpone nahin ho sakti kya?”
And that was the point when somewhere the song started playing:
“Bandh Gaya Patta Dekho Ban Gaya Kutta,
Bandh Ishq Ka Patta Dekho Ban Gaya Kutta.”

P.S. 1. Song of the Day – “Bahut pyaar karte hain tumko sanam” from Sajan.
P.S. 2. All characters in this post are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to dead or alive is purely coincidental.

फूल खिलते हैं बहारों का समां होता है,
ऐसे ही मौसम में तो प्यार जवां होता है ||

छददू के हृदय में भी प्रेम उमड़ने लगा था| उसके भी तन बदन में प्रेम के फुव्वारे फूटने लगे थे| जिस पुरुष का ध्यान कभी कभार पुस्तकों से हटता था| आज उसी का ध्यान पुस्तकों में लगता ना था|

हर पल अब तो उसके मस्तिष्क में शाहरुख़ खान की चित्रकथा का वही गाना गुनगुनाया करता था -

किताबें बहुत सी पढ़ी होंगी तुमने
मगर कोई चेहरा भी तुमने पढ़ा है
पढ़ा है मेरी जान नजर से पढ़ा है
बता मेरे चेहरे पे क्या क्या लिखा है||

छददू भले ही कैसा हो किन्तु उसकी पसंद लाजवाब थी| अपने दिल में जगह दी भी तो किसे!!
अपनी ही कक्षा की एक छात्रा – वन एंड ओनली “SHEELA BHALOTIA”

Hey Hey,

I know you want but you never gonna get it…. तेरे हाथ कभी ना आनी

माने ने माने कोई दुनिया यह सारी मेरी इश्क की है दीवानी
अब दिल करता है हौले हौले से मैं खुद को गले लगाऊं
किसी और की मुझको जरूरत क्या मैं तो खुद से प्यार जताऊँ

What’s my name?? What’s my name??
My name is Sheela….Sheela Bhalotia

एक दिन शाम के समय जब शीला कहीं दूर किसी पेड़ के सहारे बैठे किसी पुस्तक का अवलोकन कर रही थी| तभी किसी दिशा से आ रहे छददू की नज़र उस पर पड़ी| उसके तत्पश्चात क्या!! छददू के मस्तिष्क में खलबली होनी लगी कि किस प्रकार शीला से वार्ता की जाए|
अधिकतर ऐसी परिस्थितियों में छददू का दिमाग काम करना बन्द कर देता था| उस दिन भी कुछ अनोखा नहीं हुआ| जब उसे आभास हुआ कि वह और कुछ नहीं सोच सकता तब वह दबे पैर पेड़ की ओर चला|

पेड़ के पीछे पहुँचने के बाद एक दम से चिल्लाया – “भाऊऊऊऊऊऊ”|
शीला का तो मानो दिल ही बहार निकल आया हो| उसके हाथों में जो पुस्तक थी वोह हवा में उड़ चली और वह स्वयं धरती पर| उस दृश्य को देखकर छददू स्वयं धरती पर लोटपोट होने लगा| थोड़ी देर बाद जब शीला का दिल पुनः स्वाभाविक गति से दौड़ने लगा, तब वह अपने सिर में लगी मिटटी झड़काते हुए बोली – “यह क्या मजाक है!! हमें ऐसी चीज़ें बिलकुल भी पसंद नहीं हैं|”
“वैसे भी हम अभी हिटलर की आत्मकथा पढ़ रही थीं| उसके कारण हमारा मस्तिष्क पहले से ही अत्यंत गर्म है और ऊपर से छददू तुम|”
किसी प्रकार छददू अपने वस्त्रों को झड़काता हुआ ऊपर उठा और बोला – “Sorry, SheelaJi. I am really sorry”
“मुझे नहीं पता था की आप हिटलर की आत्मकथा का पाठन कर रही हैं, अन्यथा मैं ऐसी गलती कदापि नहीं करता|”
“शीलाजी आप मुझसे नाराज़ तो नहीं हैं ना??” – छददू
“ऐसी बात नहीं है किन्तु अगली बार से हमारे साथ ऐसा मजाक ना करना|” - शीला
“Pakka Promise SheelaJi.” – छददू
“वैसे आपकी आज्ञा हो तो मैं आपको कुछ सुनना चाहता था”
“अभी??” – शीला
“आपको कुछ खास काम है क्या?” – छददू
“नहीं ऐसी बात तो नहीं है| सुनाओ क्या सुनना चाहते हो!” – शीला
“वैसे आपने वोह तो सुना ही होगा..” – छददू
“The Dialogue of Devdas – बापू जी ने कहा घर छोड़ दो..फिर माँ ने कहा पारो को छोड़ दो..फिर पारो कहती है शराब को छोड़ दो…एक दिन आएगा जब वोह कहेगा कि दुनिया ही छोड़ दो”
“देखो छददू पकाओ मत, फिर तुम्हें पता ही है कि हम हिटलर कि आत्मकथा पढ़ रहे हैं” – शीला
“अरे शीलाजी पूरा तो सुनिए..इसे सुनने के बाद आपका दिल Garden Garden हो जाएगा”
“O.K. फिर सुनाई ही डालो” – शीला
“माँ ने कहा अ आ इ ई उ ऊ सीखो
बापूजी ने कहा 1 2 3 4 सीखो
प्रोफ ने कहा डाटाबेस सीखो
आज मेरे मित्र डांडू ने कहा तेलुगु सीखो
एक दिन आएगा जब वोह आएगी और कहेगी
बहुत कुछ सीख लिया….चल बे अब काम कर|” – छददू

That was not over and Chhaddu was on the floor laughing on his own lines.

“वाह! वाह! क्या dialogue था छददू!! मेरा दिल तो  वास्तव में Garden Garden हो गया | हमें तो आपको चूमने का मन कर रहा है|” – शीला

For Chhaddu, the wind stopped blowing any more. He himself stopped rofling any more. He was not believing his senses any more. He felt as if he was not living any more.

“शीलाजी क्या बोला आपने?? एक बार फिर से बोलिए ना” insisted Chhaddu.

“हाँ, हाँ, क्यूँ नहीं!! आप क्षण भर के लिए धरती माँ की गोद छोड़कर ऊपर तो उठिए” – शीला

Chhaddu stood on his feet almost in the similar fashion Hrithik came out of the manhole in Dhoom-II. He brought his ears close to Sheela anticipating that Sheela would kiss his cheeks instead. He closed his eyes and said – “बोलिए ना शीलाजी”

टपाकक्क्कक्क्क्कक्क्क!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
छददू के गाल पर अपने पंजे का चिन्ह देने के पश्चात, गुस्से में तमतमाते हुए शीला बोली  – “बहुत दिमाग चाट लिया.. चल अब आराम कर|”

P.S. 1. Song of the Day – “Musafir hun yaaron, naa ghar hai naa thikana” from Parichay (1972).

P.S. 2. All the characters in the post are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to dead or alive is purely coincidental.

The story of origin of Chhaddu

In a Punjabi Colony in Rewa in India in 1991….

Punjaban Aunty 1 (shockingly) – “Es munde da naav ki hai. Vadda hi shaitan munda hai ji. Poore mohalle di naak che dum kar rakhiya hai!!” [What is the name of this kid? He is such a big rascal. Everyone in the colony feels pain in their noses.]

Punjaban Aunty 2 (with a wide smile on her face)- “Har koi taan innu Chhaddu kehke bulanda hai” [Everyone calls him Chhaddu.]

Punjaban Aunty 1 (once again, shockingly) – “Behna, eh “Chhaddu” vi koi naav hoya!! Isda matlab taan das.” [Sister, What kinda name is this? At least, tell me the meaning.]

Punjaban Aunty 2 (angrily) – “Mainu ki pata!! Mainu ki puchhdi hai!! Es jahe sade naavan di mere kol koi dictionary hegi??” [How do I know? Why are you asking me? Do I keep a dictionary of such Worst names?]

Yes,  we all know Chhaddu but if someone asks us the meaning or origin of Chhaddu, our faces go blank.

“By jove, ye kya dhansu sawal poocha hai??” [By jove, What kinda "dhansu" question is this?]

Many different people came up with many different stories for the origin of Chhaddu but none was true. One such false story goes like this ..

Kudi 1 – “Mitron, tenu pata hai es munde da naav Chhaddu kiven pada??” [Friend, do you know how this kid got the name - "Chhaddu"??]

Kudi 2 – “Mainu taan apne naav da vi karan nahin pata. “Chunti”, bhala eh vi koi naav hoya. Jade vi mainu koi milda hai chunti bad janda hai.” [I don't know the reason behind my name. Do you consider "Chunti" a name? Whenever someone meets me, pinches me just because of my name.]

Kudi 1 – “Chup, chunti kahin ki. Har velle apne naav de peeche rondi rehandi hai.” [Shut up! You "Chunti". Every now and then you keep on crying because of your name.]

Kudi 2 – “Changa, main nahin rondi. Tu chhaddu vaare taan das.” [O.K. Fine. I don't cry. You tell me about Chhaddu.]

Kudi 1 – “Haan te sun. Actually jad eh munda 2-3 saal da siga taan eh chaddi pehan kar mohalle che firda siga. Taan kuch log innu “Chaddi Chaddi” kehkar bulan lag paye. Jedi chaddi yeh pehanda si, oddha color pink siga. Taan kuch log innu “Pinku Pinku” kehkar bulan lag paye. Taan isde ghar waalon ne in donon naavan nu mix karke ik naya portmanteau nikala “Chaddu” (Chaddi + Pinku). Aur dheere dheere Chaddu ka ho gaya Chhaddu“. [Listen then. When the kid was 2-3 years old, he used to wander in an underwear in the colony. Some people started calling him "Chaddi Chaddi". The underwear he used to wear was of pink color. Due to that, certain people started calling him "Pinku Pinku". His parents then decided to go with the portmanteau of the two names - Chaddu (Chaddi + Pinku). Gradually that Chaddu turned into Chhaddu.]

By jove, completely rofling story. I myself wonder how can people think of a story like this. And this is not just one story, there are many such “completely absurd” stories about the origin of Chhaddu. I must stop beating around the bush and tell you the true(est) story – The story of origin of Chhaddu.

To unravel the mystery, we have to go back in time. The time when almost every story used to start with the phrase – “Once upon a time….”

Once upon a time, in 1986, an unnamed small kid was born in a family living in a remote village in India. The kid’s grandparents actually hailed from Lahore, which is currently in Pakistan, but at the time of partition, they all came to India and settled in this village. The kid seemed innocent at the time of birth but started showing his true nature when he turned two.  The kid was very mischievous and used to pester his grandparents. Whenever his grandfather used to tell him “Chhad de! shaitan“(Leave it! rascal), he retaliated by saying – “Chhad du, dadaji??”[Shall I leave it, Grandfather??] as if he was making fun of him. His retaliation used to infuriate his grandfather who started calling him – “Saale, Chhad du kahin ke!!” [You 'Chhad du'!!]

The villagers of that village were very naive.  One day when two villagers were passing by their house, they heard the kid’s grandfather rebuking the kid – “Salle, Chhad du kahin ke!!”.

Veer 1 – “Veere ‘Saale kutte kahin ke!!, Saale kamine kahin ke!!’ taan maine suna si kintu ‘Saale Chhaddu kahin ke!!’ pehli baar sun riha hun.”[Brother, I have heard "You Doggy!! You 'Kamine'!! several times but I am hearing 'You Chhaddu' for the first time.]

Veer 2 – “Haan veere, suna taan maine vi kade nahin. Jaroor kisi nave dangar (dog) da naav hou – Chhaddu” [Yes brother,  I too have never heard it. It must be a name of a new breed of Dog.]

Veer 1 – “Murkhan jehi gallan naa kiya kar.  Aj kal taan dangaran de naav vi standard de honde ne  – ‘Pomerian’, ‘Alsatian’ etc etc. Eh taan munde da hi naav hou.” [Don't talk stupid. These days, dogs too have names of some standard like Pomerian, Alsatian etc. This must be the name of the kid.]

Veer 2 – “Omg Omg hahahoohohihihehehuhu bas veere aur nahin hans sakda, pet che dard hon lag paya hai. LOL. Period.” [Omg Omg hahahoohohihihehehuhu I can't laugh anymore.  My belly is aching. LOL. Period.]

All the villagers then onwards started referring the kid with the same word and that is how the unnamed kid got his name – “CHHADDU“.

P.S. 1. Today, I am going to leave the college. Wish me luck for future.

P.S. 2. Song of the day – “Aane waala pal jaane waala hai….ho sake to isme jindagi bita do, pal yeh jo jaane waala hai.” [I am not going to translate this song at all.]

@##@$@#$

A telephonic conservation between a caller and AB Senani.

Caller – Hello

AB – Helluuuu

Caller – Senani??

AB – Noooooo. I am not a fighter.

Caller – Arghhh. Who is it then?

AB – I am a fukcing MS student who is fukcing bored with his fukcing life.

Caller – Fukc you..I was about to cut the call since I thought I got a wrong number.

AB – uuuuuhhhhh…. You never get a wrong number. It’s the guy who you get is right or wrong.

Caller – Arghhh….Is this your number?

AB – Nooooo

Caller – Then who the fukc’s number is this?

AB – This is my mobile number.

Caller – @##@$@#$

P.S. 1 – All characters in this post are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to dead or alive is purely coincidental.

P.S. 2 – Song of the day – “Aarambh hai prachand….bole mastakun ke jhund..aaj jang ki ghadi ki tum guhaar do” from Gulaal.

Kamine(e) – IV

Chhadami was sitting along with his friends at a cafeteria in his college in the evening.

“Chacha yaar, apan jab mutra visarjan karne jaate hain to apan professor se aisa kyun poochte hain, ‘May I go to bathroom?’. Apan nahane thode hi jaate hain wahan??“, Chhaddu asked Chacha and then started chuckling.
It was only then he stopped chuckling when Chacha replied in anger, “Saale chhaddu kyun chahta hai ki tere D ko K se replace kar doon. Kitni baar samjhaya tere ko, Englishs ke sawals, is God Ke Bachche se hi poocha kar“
God ka bachcha, who was most probably dreaming of a girl, after coming out of his reverie responded to Chhaddu’s query, “Saale chhaddu tu to waise bhi Ladies Bathroom use karta hai. Kisko kya pata ki tu wahan nahata hai ya mutra visarjan karta hai.“
After that everyone started rofling except Chhaddu.

Ohh yes, Chhaddu always used ‘Ladies Bathroom’ during his college time and it was one of his weirdest qualities which was hitherto unknown. No one knew the exact reason behind it. Whether he feared that his darkest secrets would be revealed or did he enjoy peeing in a womanish way, no one had the slightest idea but Dean must knew the reason as Chhaddu had taken his permission for the same. No one had the problem with his habit of using Ladies Bathroom except the college girls. It was not easy for them to share their space with Chhaddu but had to deal with the situation as they had no other option. Chhaddu’s female batch-mates always admired him because of his knowledge but whenever a group of girls used to see him heading towards the Ladies Bathroom, they used to start singing: -

kukuk ku kukukukukuk
choli ke peechhe kya hai, choli ke peechhe
chunari ke neeche kya hai, chunari ke neeche
ho, choli mein dil hai meraa, chunari mein dil hai mera
choli mein dil hai meraa, chunari mein dil hai mera
ye dil mein doongi mere yaar ko, pyaar ko!
aah!

It was the month of October and Diwali was around the corner. The sound of bursting crackers was no more queer to ears at night. Bursting fire crackers was no more restricted to fun making but was extended to commit mischievous acts. A student was even held for bursting a solid cracker(which produces a big sound) in a room of an other student whom their batch-mates used to refer as an “Uncle”. Such mischievous acts were not confined to the hostel rooms but were widespread all around the college i.e. even in classes.

One day, in the mid of a lecture Chhaddu felt the pressure and asked the professor to go to bathroom. The professor permitted him since he knew that Chhaddu had interest in studies and would not fake such things. When Chhaddu reached the Ladies Bathroom, it was preoccupied. After a minute or so, a girl came out of the bathroom. Till then, the pressure being exerted on Chhaddu’s pipe was on the seventh cloud. As he was about to enter the bathroom, the girl said – “Sir, andar sootli bomb laga kar aayi hun. Thodi der ruk kar jaana “

“Saali ko bhi abhi bomb lagana tha“, Chhaddu spoke to himself.
After ten seconds or so, “yahan meri pee-pee nikal rahi hai aur yeh saala bomb footne ka naam hi nahin le raha hai. By god, agar agle paanch second mein andar bomb nahin foota to yahan bahar jaroor footega. Ahhhhh…..arey foot jaa….Lagta hai yeh ladki mere ko ullu bana kar gayi hai ya fir woh bomb fusss nikala.“

After a few more seconds, Chhaddu decided to enter the bathroom. It was when Chhaddu touched the door knob that the bomb blasted. The sound of the blast was so huge that it created an enormous pressure on Chhaddu’s pipe and all the liquid contained in it was on the floor. Chhaddu kept looking at the liquid for a few seconds as if it belonged to someone else. It was only after a few seconds that he realized it to be his own and he screamed on the top of his voice -

KAMINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

P.S. 1. All characters in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to a dead or alive is purely coincidental.
P.S. 2. Happy B’day to Hemant Dhingra.
P.S. 3. Song of the day – Nayak nahin, Khalnayak hun main from Khalnayak.
P.S. 4. Read earlier posts in this series.

Kamine(e)-III

Na gilaaf, Na lehaaf thandi hawa ke khilaaf sasuri..
O itni sardi hai kisi ka lehaaf lehi leh
O jaa padosi ke chuleh se aag lehi leh..jaa padosi ke chuleh se aag lehi le….
Beedi jalaile leh jigar se piya, Jigar maa badi aag hai.
At 5′o clock in the morning, Chhaddu was slurping his tea at a tea stall at Hyderabad Railway Station. After a long period of time, he was going back to his hometown, Rewa, a place of which he always boasted among his friends-

I belong to the place where Jalaluddin Akbar grew after his father was driven in exile, the place where Birbal (one of the Navratnas of Akbar) was born, the place where Emperor Sher Shah Suri breathed his last, the place where sitar virtuoso Pt. Ravi Shankar studied music, blah blah blah….

The very last night, Chhaddu could not even sleep in the excitement of going back to his hometown which had such a great history and may be a great future.
But at the moment, while standing at the tea stall, Chhaddu was not even thinking a little about Rewa as all his attention had been driven away by the girls going past him. Whenever he saw a nice girl passing by, his body stopped functioning except the heart which started beating faster and the musical section of his head which started a song -
Jab bhi main koi ladki dekhun..
Mera dil deewana bole..
Hole Hole, Hole Hole..
Mere sang hole hole
“By god, aaj yeh peeli ya neeli waali mein se koi bhi ek mere saath baith jaaye, to main iske saath Rewa kya, Delhi tak chala jaaun.” Similary, he wished for almost every beautiful girl who went past him.

After finishing his tea, he boarded the train and took his side-lower seat as per mentioned in his ticket. To his disbelief, his compartment had a family comprising of an uncle, an aunt, their lone son and three daughters.
OMG, aapse to ek maangi thi, yahan to three-three, ek ke saath do free!! Kya kamal ka offer hai!
On the one hand, Chhaddu felt excited to see three-three girls whereas on the other, felt scared to look at them because of their father but was still managing to sneak a peek. For a few minutes, he kept on thinking of a plan to start a chat with them but after a while, his eyes felt heavy because of the sleepless night and he slept.

After a few minutes, he felt as if someone had caressed his face and was asking him to open his eyes.
Yeh kisne chhua..chupke se..
Yeh kya hua..chupke se
Khil uthe hain..
yeh dharti aur gagan
He had a very pleasant feeling as if all Serotonin and Melatonin (happy hormones) in his body were released at once. The very touch on his face exhilarated him. He was not yet out of the joyful state that someone pinched him on his chest. But this time, he felt offended and opened his eyes a little to find out the person who did such a mischief to him. Since he found a woman standing beside her, he gave her a smile and closed her eyes again.
Arey yaar….abhi bahut neend aa rahi hai…aur in aunty ko bhi abhi masti chhadni thi, Chhaddu spoke to himself.

After a few seconds, he observed that the aunt was dragging her hands to the lower section of his body.
Aaj aunty ka dimag kharab ho gaya lagta hai. Maryada naam ki bhi koi cheez hoti hai ya nahin. Saala..yeh to train mein hi shuru ho gayin. By the way, yeh uncle kahan mar gaye??
She kept on dragging her hands. Finally, Chhaddu woke up and yelled….
Kamineeeeeeeeeee Aaunnnnnnnn….
Chhaddu’s aunt promptly moved her hands away from his body and then responded in a much serene voice as if she felt no offense….




“HAAI HAAI…kisne chheda mere munne ko”

P.S. 1: Song of the day – Nagada, Nagada Nagada baja from Jab We Met.
P.S. 2: All the characters in this story are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to any dead or alive is purely coincidental.
P.S. 3: Read Kamine(e) & Kamine(e)-II before reading this post.

Mitti Ke Rang – III

Kapil was dwelling in his twenty-years old memories when suddenly his eyes fell on an old woman with silvery white hair, wrinkled skin, fragile bones and stooped posture. She lowers down a basket and a stool from her head on the ground with her trembling hands. On seeing the basket, Kapil recognizes the woman to be the same who accused him of telling lie and whom he disrespected in his childhood. The old woman sits down on a small stool outside the main gate of ‘Kadamba Vidya Niketan’ after keeping the basket beside her on the ground.

As almost half an hour is there before the school finishes, she starts arranging the candies in the basket so that it would be easy for her to sell them. Kapil looks at her for a few minutes and those few minutes were enough to flare a fire of revenge for her in his heart.
He takes out a thousand-rupee note from his wallet and moves toward the old woman.
“Hey Mai, Hazaar rupiye ka chhutta hoga aapke paas?”, Kapil asks her politely.
The old woman lifts her head and replies, “Kya babbu, mujh garibni ke paas hazaar ka chhutta kahan hi hoga?”
“Mai, ek baar dekh to sahi. Kahin teri potli mein se hazaar ka chhutta nikal hi jaaye”, Kapil replies.
On being continuously forced by Kapil, the old woman finally unties a knot at an end of her saree and shows him the money she has with her.
“Dekh lo babbu. Yeh kuch chillad hai aur ek 500 rupiye ka note hai jo maine apni poti(granddaughter) ki fees ke liye jama kar rakha hai.”
Kapil carefully looks at the money the old woman has and then keeps his thousand-rupee note back in his wallet.

He then stops a passerby and speaks to him with a grim face, “Bhaiya, is budhiya ne mera 500 ka note rakh liya hai. Main iske paas 500 ka chhutta lene gaya to usne 500 ka note apne pallu mein rakh liya aur mujhe chhutte bhi nahin diye. Ab main isse apna note maangta hun to yeh kehti hai -’Kaun sa 500 ka note babbu, mere paas to koi note nahin hai.’ Maine isse thodi jor jabardasti ki to yeh apne budhape ka sahara lekar mujhe darane lagi aur kehti hai – ‘Mujh garibni buddhi ki hai(curses) lagegi tere ko.’”

The passerby trusts Kapil as he finds him a well-to-do person who can’t tell a lie for just five hundred rupees. “Bhaisab, aap chinta naa karein. Main dekhta hun, aise kaise nahin wapis degi yeh aapka 500 ka note”, the passerby replies.

The passerby goes to the old woman and says to her, “Eh buddhi amma, buddhape mein tujhe jhooth bolna shobha nahin deta. Tera aadha shareer to pehle hi kabra(grave) mein latak raha hai. Kyun swarg ki jagah narak chunna chahti hai tu? Babuji ka jo tune 500 ka note liya hai use lauta de.”

The old woman gets shocked and replies, “Babuji ka 500 ka note, kis note ki baat kar raha hai beta tu?”
“Dekh mujhe beta keh kar fuslane ki koshish naa kar, amma”, the passerby replies furiously.

In the meantime, a crowd gathers around the old woman and the passerby tells the story to everyone. Everyone starts cursing her and asks her to return the 500-rupee note to the gentleman quietly. Since she refuses to do so, the crowd goes berserk and rip off her saree’s end to get the note. She tries to get hold of her note and cries – “Bhagvan kasam, yeh note mera hai. Maine apni poti(granddaughter) ki fees ke liye jama kar rakha hai.”

In the struggle for the 500-rupee note, it gets ripped off from the middle. The crowd gets the one half and the old woman gets the other. As soon as the note gets ripped, the old woman bursts into tears.“Bhagvan kasam, woh note mera hai. Maine apni poti ki padhai ke liye jama kar rakha tha. Mujhe mera note de do…..”, the old woman starts crying harder. As no one cares about her, she starts scattering away all the candies kept in her basket and even gives away the other half of the note.“Yeh bhi le lo….sab kuch le lo. Tum sab logon ko is garibni ki hai(curse) lagegi”, the old woman cries and she starts getting out of breath.“Tujhe bhi is bachche ki hai(curse) lagi hai jiska tune paisa khaya tha”, Kapil speaks to himself standing at a distance. Since he is burning in the fire of revenge, he has no qualms for his act even if he knows that his act has not just affected the old woman but even her granddaughter.

In the meantime, a person from the crowd gathers the two-halves of 500-rupee note and says after handing them to Kapil, “Bhaisab, kheench taan mein note fat jaroor gaya hai par aap chaho to is par tape laga kar chala sakte ho.”

The school finishes at the same time and a small girl from a crowd of students comes running towards the old woman.

“Daadi!! Daadi!!”, the girl keeps calling from the distance till she reaches the old woman. Kapil looks at the girl from a distance and gets shocked when he sees the name being flashed on her ID card is RADHA.The girl shakes her grandmother’s body but the old woman does not respond. The old woman keeps her head down all the while. The girl starts crying on seeing that her grandmother is not moving. Once more in his life, Kapil has broken a heart of a sweet little girl named Radha.

Kapil runs towards the old woman to see what actually has happened. He too shakes the old woman and finally lifts her head. As he lifts her head, he finds her eyes wide open and when he checks her nerves, he finds that she has died. He stands semi-conscious, stupefied by the blow and finds himself surrounded by millions of Radha and each one of them is laughing at him and teasing him with the line-

“Arey oh Aloo Waala..khula ke nahin khula tere dimag ka taala.”

P.S. 1. Song of the day:- Duniya badal gayi, insaan badal gaye, badle nahin to hain woh….Mitti Ke Rang!! Mitti Ke Rang!!
P.S. 2. All the characters in the story are purely fictitious. Do read Mitti Ke Rang-II and Mitti Ke Rang-I before reading this post.

Jingle

It’s been a long time since I published my last post. I was missing you all very dearly during the period. It feels awesome to be back. It feels as if I have finally boarded the train which I was not able to board since a long time. Before, I continue with Mitti Ke Rang series, I wish to share a jingle which I wrote in a Creative Writing competition held during Felicity’10 (An Annual Cultural and Technical Fest of IIIT-H).

The theme for the jingle given to us was to sell a Lizard’s Tail (max. – 12 lines).

Lizard’s Tail, Lizard’s Tail, Buy a Lizard’s Tail
Neither fragile nor frail, Buy a Lizard’s Tail
No more fears,
You can hear,
It clears,
All your ears.
Give it a try,
Use it when dry,
If wet,
soaks water, grows fat.
Lizard’s Tail, Lizard’s Tail, Buy a Lizard’s Tail
Neither fragile nor frail, Buy a Lizard’s Tail.

P.S.1. Song of the day: – “Hum jo chalne lage, chalne lage hain yeh raste” from Jab We Met.
P.S.2. Wish you all a colorful and prosperous Holi.

Mitti Ke Rang – II

The day we broke up..

“Gooood Morrrrninnng, Ma’am”, the class sang in a monotonous tone.
“Good Morning, everyone”
“As I mentioned a few days back that who all have to go for picnic would have to deposit the money today, so have you all brought the money?”, madam asked cheerfully.
“Yes, Ma’am”, most of the class replied.
“What about you, Kapil?”, Radha asked me.
“My parents say that they do not have money for such things.”, I replied with a sullen face.
After a pause of a few seconds, Radha spoke, “Would you mind if I pay for you?”
I was shocked and dumbstruck for a few seconds.
“Do you want me to go in ur place??”, I asked as if she was kidding me.
“Aloo Waala..Khol apne dimag ka taala. I’m not sending you in my place. I’m just paying for you from my pocket-money.”, Radha replied with a sweet smile on her pretty face.

Her sentence was not over yet and a song started back inside my heart.

Duniya mein na koi tumse hai pyaara,
Dhadkan kya kehti hai, samjho ishaara,
Aaj se jaaneman dil hai tumhaara,
Dil hai tumhara.

“Did you say something?”, Radha asked me on returning to her seat after paying the money for both of us.
“Ya, Kitna bada dil hai tumhara!”, I replied.
“I know, I know. Chal ab padh lein.“
But I was not able to concentrate on studies for the day. Every time I started to concentrate, the song started echoing in my mind.

Lagta hai hoga nahin tum bin guzaara,
Dhadkan kya kehti hai, samjho ishaara,
Aaj se jaaneman dil hai tumhaara,
Dil hai tumhara.

Finally, when the school got over, I thought of buying her an eclairs to show my gratitude towards her. I asked her to wait for me until I fetch her a chocolate. Outside our school’s main gate, an old woman, around 40-45 yrs in age, used to sit with a basket full of candies. When I got there, she was already surrounded with a few students. I took out a single Re. 1 coin from my pocket and handed over to her and asked her for an eclairs. She kept on handing over candies to other students while I kept on asking for my candy.

After a few minutes, she finally heard me asking for a candy but instead of giving me a candy, she asked me for the money.
“Abhi to maine aapko ek rupiye ka sikka diya tha.”, I replied in a shocked voice.
I never saw such a rude woman in my life. Instead of replying politely to a 10-year-old kid, she replied very rudely – “Mujhse jhooth bolta hai. School mein jhooth bolna sikhate hain kya tere ko?”
“Nahin, main jhooth nahin bol raha hun. By God, maine aapko ek rupiye ka sikka diya tha.“, I replied innocently with tears about to well out of my eyes.
“Tu aise nahin manega. Teri teacher ko bulaon kya??“, she continued screaming on top of her voice.
In the meantime, Radha joined us. On seeing Radha standing beside me, old woman started speaking to her.
“Beti, is ladke ne paise diye nahin hain aur upar se jhooth bol raha hai. Tum iski teacher ko bulao, main aaj iski shikayat karti hun”
I did not have slightest idea of what happened to my stars. Suddenly, the bad time struck me. In spite of being my friend, instead of standing by me, Radha took her side.
“Kapil, tumhe candy khani thi to tum mujhse bol dete. I would have given you a coin. Abhi tum aunty se sorry maango.“, Radha spoke in a louder tone.

All the warm feelings for her in my heart went away. My mind started filling with the lines – “What does she think of herself? If she has money, she must keep it with herself. I did not even ask her to pay my picnic fees. What does she mean with the line – ‘I would have given you a coin’? Does she consider me as despicable as a beggar?”

“So nice of you Radha for showing me such a nice world around me by just offering me a coin. Thank you for the coin but I don’t need one. And it will be better if you take picnic fees back from ma’m which you paid for me today. I don’t wish to be your friend any more. And at the end, I am not going to say sorry to this BUDHIYA“, I replied in anger and went away with tears welling out of my eyes.

To be continued..

P.S. 1: Song of the day – Aye Bekhabar, Aye Bekhabar from Zeher.
P.S. 2: All the characters in this story are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to any dead or alive is purely coincidental.
P.S. 3: Read Mitti Ke Rang – I before reading this post.