Kamine(e) – II

Disclaimer
All characters and events appearing in this post are purely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

“Mobile lost “, read Chhadami’s Gtalk’s status msg.
“Nice”, I pinged.
“Saale dukhi tere ko nahin, balki usko hona chaihye jiske paas tera mobile hai “, I continued.
“Arey yaar, bahut saare contacts the usme “, Chhaddu replied.
“Koi naa be..us ghatiya mobile se to peecha chhoota. “

A few days later..

When Chhaddu came out of his class, he saw a guy running towards him.
“Bhai, aaj is ‘God Ke Bachche’ ko kya ho gaya??”, Chhadu gave it a thought only after the guy’s face became visible.
“What happened – God Ke Bachche? Why are you…. ab Hanfne ko english mein kya kehte hain…. Hanfing?”, Chhadu asked.
“English chhod aur sun. Aaj apne college mein ek hot, ek dum rapchik aur pataka ladki aayi hai“, God ka bachcha replied.
“Mast be. Three-Three girls in our college.”
“Chhaddu kahin ke. Saale hindi mein bola, tab bhi nahin samjha. Ek hi ladki hai jisme saare gun(qualities) hain“
“Ohhh“
“Haan. Aur woh kisi ladke ko dhoondh rahi hai. “
“Tere ko hi dhoondh rahi hogi..aur kise hi dhoondh sakti hai..God ne beautiful ladkiyan apne bachche ke liye hi to banayi hain “
“Arey nahin yaar..pehli baar koi sundar ladki mere ko nahin, kisi aur ko dhoondh rahi hai.“
“Sahi mein..by jove..college ki history mein aaj tak aisa nahin hua. Waise kaun hai woh khush-naseeb?“, Chhaddu was extremely surprised.
“One guess before I tell u the name.”

After thinking for a minute or two, Chhaddu came up with an answer – “CHACHA.“
“Tere ko Chacha ke ilawa aur koi naam nahin soojha“, God ka bachcha replied in anger.
“After you, Its only CHACHA who comes first in the line for beautiful girls. Only CHACHA has dollars in our college.”, Chhaddu replied downheartedly.
“Arey Chhaddu yaar. Is baar tera number laga hai!! THE GIRL is searching for you.”

Before God Ka Bachcha could finish his talk, a cold breeze started blowing for Chhaddu while a song started in the back of Chhaddu’s mind:-

Hey dola re dola re dola re dola
Haai dola dil dola mann dola re dola
Hey dola re dola re dola re dola
Haai dola dil dola mann dola re dola

A minute was not over yet and Chhaddu found the girl standing in front of him. As and when Chhaddu’s eyes met the girl’s eyes, a new song started playing in the back of his mind.

Tu Mile, Dil Khile Aur Jeene Ko Kya Chaahiye
Na Ho Tu Udaas Tere Paas Paas Main Rahunga Zindagi Bhar
Saare Sansaar Ka Pyar Maine Tujhi Mein Paya
Tu Mile, Dil Khile Aur Jeene Ko Kya Chaahiye

It was the girl who broke the silence.
“If I am not wrong, you are Chhadami. Right??”, the girl asked in a bit loud voice.
“Yes, you are right. I am Chhadami but you can call me Chhaddu. I am very pleased to meet you”, Chhaddu blushed.
“By God, Itni please to main bhi aaj tak nahin hui jitni aaj aap se mil kar hui hun“, the girl replied in a milder tone.
The cold breeze started blowing more swiftly for Chhaddu while God Ka Bachcha continued to bite off his nails in a corner.
“Sach mein, jodiyan to upar waala hi banata hai“, Chhaddu gave it a thought.

“By the way, aapko pata hai ki aapka mobile jo chori ho gaya hai, usmein balance kitna tha?“, the girl asked politely.
“Rs. 75 the, as far as I remember.”
The girl chuckled.
“Sorry Chhadduji. Aapke mobile mein sirf 75p the.“, the girl raised her voice.
Chhaddu lowered his head down. The cold breeze was replaced by the sultry one while God Ka Bachcha continued to bite off his nails in a corner.
“Aapko kaise pata chala?“, Chhadu asked hesitatingly.
“Aapke MOBILE se, jo aap train mein chhod aaye the aur jo galti se mere haath lag gaya. Phone ki haalat dekhkar laga ki use khone ke dukh mein kahi aap suicide naa kar lein.“, the girl maintained her louder tone.
“Aisa soch kar, maine use aapko lautane ki soch li.“, the girl continued.
“So nice of you. Aapka main..“, Chhaddu replied in a soft blushing tone.
“Let me complete first before you speak.”, the girl interrupted in a bit harsh tone.
“Phone lautane ke liye pehle aapka mobile number janna jaroori tha. And number janne ke liye jaise hi apne phone par miss call karni chahi, to reply aaya – Sorry, you are unable to make a call since you have insufficient balance (i.e. 75p).”, the girl lowered her tone a bit down.
“And when on the very next day, I tried to make a call, after topping the card up with a voucher worth Rs. 10, the reply was – Sorry you are unable to make a call since the validity of your card is over. By God, Phone to phone, Sim card bhi BABA ADAM ke zamane ka nikala“, the girl spoke in a much louder tone.
After a few minutes, the girl joined her hands and said -




“365 days ka recharge kara diya hai. You don’t need to leave your mobile anywhere for the next one year.”


P.S. 1. Song of the day: “Thode bheege bheege se thode nam hain hum..” from Kaminey.
P.S. 2. You must read Kamine(e) before reading this post.

Lekin Woh Sach Tha..

“Enough for tonight. You go to your room now”
“It is just two o’clock, man!!”
“It is not ‘JUST’ two. Raat ke do baj gaye hain!!“
“So, what?? Do hi to baje hain.“
“Don’t be imbecile. How long do you want it to go?”
“As long as we are enjoying.”
“Come on!!”
“You come on.”

Suddenly, the door of the room opened.
“Dude, we have to wake up early for daily exercises.”, Scientist yelled while standing at the door.
“Ohhh, shit. I really forgot. So, we have to conclude our today’s discussion here. It was great. See you @ 7 then. Good Night.”, I replied.

As Scientist was about to close the door, I said – “Wait a minute, Scientist. Did you ever notice this Pipal tree which is right in front of your room?”
“Ya, Many a times.”
“And do you know that a deadly ghost lives on it!!”
“Oooooooooh. Kya bak raha hai?? Meri fat rahi hai, bhai!! Ab to ise silwane kal tailor ke paas jaana padega.“
Hahahaahaha huhuhuuhuu……..
And Scientist started laughing wildly.
“Hey man, believe me. Sachchi. I saw it yesterday when I came to your room but you were not there. It was hanging from one of the pipal’s branches. It was a horrifying experience I ever had in my life. As soon as my black eyes met it’s bloody-red eyes, I peed right here in my pants. You can even see the stains on the floor.”
Scientist was not ready to buy any word of mine and he kept on laughing, even more wildly.
“If you don’t want to believe me, it’s your wish. I can’t help you. Chal, see you tomorrow. bye“, I said

And I started walking away.
“Bas jaate jaate bhoot ki ek khasiyat batana chahta hun - You can not determine the sex of the ghost as it has no body. This ghost has a single head with no hairs on it.”, I yelled from a distance.
“Ooooooooh. I am really scared now. Do you want me to pissssss??”, Scientist yelled back.
“Sahi hai bete. Raat ko jab woh tujhe call karega to khud hi saara ‘pissssss’ nikal jaayega tera.”

Finally I reached my room.
“I should scare him now by calling him.”, I mumbled as soon as I reached my room.
Tring Tring….. Tring Tring..
I called him more than thrice but he did not answer the phone. I started panicking.
“Has he died of HEART ATTACK?? Am I the culprit?? Ya, Of course. I am the one who killed him. Majak ki bhi ek hadd (limit) hoti hai. I should not have crossed my limits.”
And the tears started welling up in my eyes.
After a few minutes, I gathered courage to go to Scientist’s room to see the real picture. I was trembling on my way to Scientist’s room.

Finally, I reached outside his room.
The door was ajar. I started shaking badly as I touched the door knob. When I pushed the door, I found -








Scientist’s head was lying on the floor with no hairs on it and was raising his eyelids to see me through his BLOODY-RED eyes!!


P.S. 1 – All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Resemblance to any dead or alive is purely co-incidental.

Kamine(e)

It is a story of a guy who got admission in one of the premier technical institutes in India with the help of his determination and hard work. Within only a few days of his college life, he had several friends in the college. He was even getting good response from his professors too. The college could have been a heaven for him if he could also had achieved the attention of the girl students. The lack of attention from girls might be attributed to his attire and the language, for which he must not be blamed totally as it could be just only because he hailed from a small village – ‘REWA (M.P.)’. The guy’s name was CHHADAMI and his friends at the college nicked him as ‘CHHADDU’.

One day, after a class was over, a girl called Chhadami from behind. It was the first time in the college that he heard his name uttered by a girl. As soon as the name reached his eardrums, a current surged through his body. He was stunned by a sudden cold breeze. The girl came to Chhadami and said, “You were really good in today’s class.” Instead of replying, Chhadami kept standing in stunned silence.

It was after a minute or two that Chhadami replied, “Thank you.”
As the girl wanted to continue the conversation, she asked, “May I ask where are you from?”.
“I am from……” Bharat ko to english mein India kehte hain but saala Rewa ko english mein kya kehte hain…. yeh to mujhe kisi ne bataya hi nahin.” (Chhadami gave it a thought)
After a minute, he continued, “from….ladies first.”
“Ladies first?? I did not get you.” the girl replied.
“I mean, first you tell – Where are you from?”
“Ohh, I am from Mumbai”, the girl replied.
“And I am from Rewa-bai”, Chhadami quickly replied.
The girl chuckled. “How funny you are. I think, that’s why your friend nicked you with such a funny name -’Chhaddu’. By the way, if you don’t mind, I came to you to say that your slippers have worn out.”
Suddenly, the cold breeze turned hot.
“Ohh, this is…. (‘Aaj kal’ ko english mein kya bolenge….kya bolenge)….. today’s and tomorrow’s fashion.” Chhadami replied back with a red face.

Many a times, Chhadami was told by his male friends about his slippers but he ignored them. But since this time, it was pointed by a girl, he had to take it seriously.

On the very next day, Chhadami went to a mall to buy a new pair of slippers for him. He tried many pairs out there but since he wished to buy the BEST, he was not going to stop just after seeing only a few dozen pairs of slippers. His frustration level was increasing with every pair of slippers he saw. It was getting very difficult for him to select the best. Finally, it was a pair of slippers with images of different beautiful flowers on it, which drew Chhadami’s attention. He was fascinated by it’s looks. As he was trying out the pair, he observed from the corner of his eyes that two girls were looking at him.

‘Yehi to hai woh joda, jiski talash mujhe subah se thi. Jab yeh donon pagal ho rakhi hain, in chhaplon ko dekh kar, to pata nahin uska kya hoga…..‘, he chuckled.

“Ab jab woh mere peron (feet) ki taraf dekhegi, to kahegi … KYA CHHAPAL LI HAI CHHADDU!!..“, Chhadami kept mumbling on his way to college.

Next day, after a class was over, Chhadami stood at the gate so that the girl could notice his slippers while coming out of the class. As the girl passed by, she chuckled. He was ecstatic on seeing such a beautiful smile on her face. Once again, a cold breeze started blowing for Chhadami and this time, it was accompanied by a romantic song as well.

“Chahe tum kuch na kaho…. maine sun liya.
Ke saathi pyar ka…. mujhe chun liya
chun liya…… Maine sun liya………
Pehla Nasha, Pehla Khumar….”

It was only then, the song paused and the cold breeze turned hot, when one of his batch-mate came to him and said -




“Chhaddu – Yeh Ladies Slippers hain!!”

P.S. 1 – Song of the day: Dhan Te Nan… Tan na na
P.S. 2 – All characters and events in the post are purely fictitious. Any resemblance with either dead or alive is purely coincidental.

Matrix Unleashed

Where am I heading to? Which path is it? Is it the right path? If not, then why am I on this path and if yes, then is it the only right path? My head is spinning. I can’t see anything beyond. The darkness has surrounded me from all sides. I fear, “I may have got lost somewhere and I won’t be able to come to the right path again.”
Arghhhhh…

Neo wakes up.

What was that? What was I thinking about in my dreams? Was it about money?
Neo exerts pressure on his mind to recall what was he actually dreaming about?

After a few minutes, he takes out his laptop and starts writing what he could recall.
“Yes, it was all about money. Money, Money and only Money.”

Why am I running after money? Why am I staying away from my family? Is it to earn money for them or is it to quench my never-ending thirst for money? Would it be worth to stay away from my family for this money? If yes, then for how long?

At the end, what would I be left with – A bunch of notes and a heap of coins. But why do I need it?
Is it that I want to marry a good-looking girl, who won’t marry me if I won’t have millions.
Is it that I wish to have lots of friends, who won’t be there if I won’t have millions.
Is it that I want to show it to others — “Hey, you!! Come here and see, how much money I have. Respect me because I am a millionaire.” Wtf would I do with that respect; the respect of those filthy people who won’t respect me but the money I have.
Is it to attain peace which I can’t have without millions?

Bullshit.

“Peace” – This money can never give me any peace. On the contrary, it has taken away all the peace which I had in my life. Now, even in my dreams I can’t think of peace. This money has left me nowhere. I am lost. I can’t see anything beyond money. I can’t even think anything beyond money. This money has taken over me. When will I stop thinking of money? Where is the end? Would I stop thinking of it after I have earned billions. Even if not at that point, then when?

Arghhhhhhhh…

This money has driven me crazy. Has money become everything for me? If I can’t stop thinking of money ever in my life, should I end my life? How will it help? Won’t be any money thereafter? Who can assure me? I am in a position where no God can help me because this “Money God” has taken me far away from the “Real God”. This money has proven to be the biggest enemy for me.

I have to stop here. I have to stop. I can’t write any more. I can’t touch this laptop. It has been bought from the same money. Everything I see all around myself is money. I have been captured by money and not machines (which I used to think earlier). The money has led to the invention of these machines in order to create more money. It is the thirst for money which is the real enemy of humankind. Some one please save me. “Help, Help……”

Ah…..

And he passes out.


P.S. Song of the day: “Yahan kaun hai tera, musafir jaayega kahan.”

The Dawn of World War III

The World War III had no similarity with the World War II or the World War I. Even it was dissimilar to any war fought in the history. The only similarity you could find in them was that they all were WARS and the wars could only mean – Destruction.
As I have already mentioned that the World War III was different to any of the wars fought in the history, it was the war which was not fought among nations. No artillery was used in the war. No bombs were dropped, not a single bullet was shot and even not a single drop of blood was shed. It was the war where the enemies did not even touch each other. In spite of all this, the World War III was the deadliest.

It was a rainy day in a beautiful city called Hyderabad (in India) where a cool and calm guy named Himank was drenching in the rain since he was waiting for a bus at a bus stop which had no shelter. In the meantime, he was singing to himself – “ Aa bhi jaa.. Aa bhi jaa. At that instant, he had not a slightest idea that he was going to be the founder of the most fierce war – World War III. After a few minutes, the bus arrived at the stop. In order to avoid any more drenching, Himank lunged towards the first door of the bus from where generally females do board in. After boarding in, he started moving towards the back seats in the bus. During the movement, he brushed against a lady standing in the aisle. A single second was not over yet and the lady yelped at him- “BHALU kahin ke!! Peeche se nahin chad sakta tha kya?” Himank too got angry over her rudeness and fired back at her-”Mujhe tere ko touch karna tha, isliye aage se chhada.. X(“ His anger was not over even after that. He started cogitating – “How rude these females are? They think that we males are dying to touch them.Saala hum mardon ki to koi ijjat hi nahin hai inki nazron mein. Pata nahin apne aap ko yeh kya samajhti hain.“
He thought that a post on his blog could be a better method to bring his feelings against females in public. His previous post against the administration had already been appreciated by everyone who read it across the country. He started writing the post which turned out to be a very lengthy post in which he regurgitated all his feelings against females. The post could be summarized as- “Females think that we, males, are the ones who at every instant desire to touch them otherwise we won’t survive. None of the females do respect us. They consider us a dog which as and when sees a female(bitch) starts wagging his tongue. In their eyes, we are despicable and should not have belonged to human race.”
The post against females made a huge impact on males whoever read it. The males even started noticing the same as was written in himank’s post.
Once an editor of a newspaper, who had already read the post, was traveling by a metro. A woman boarded the metro at a next station and sat besides him. As the metro sped up, the woman hit the editor. Instead of saying sorry to him, the woman shouted at him- “Thoda door khisak kar nahin baith sakta. Chipakne ki aadat jo hai naa tum mardon ko..” The editor got very disturbed due to the incident and went on printing himank’s post in his newspaper to show his agitation towards females. After that, the whole Indian media started discussing about the very post. Almost every Indian male agreed with what himank had written in his post. Mass gatherings consisting of only males were held across the country -”If females do think that we are dying to touch them, we would show them that we had no interest in touching them. And today we owe that we won’t touch any female, even if she is our wife, as long as they don’t ask us to touch them.” The females also took it as a matter of pride. Many female gatherings were held across the country where they discussed- “We would prove the males that whatever we think about them is correct.”
In the meantime, the fire lit by himank’s post was crossing the Indian boundaries. Males in almost every part of the world started noticing the same what was written in himank’s post.

“Ho Cho Chi Chai Chooo, Chup Chap Cho(Whoever you are, go away silently)”, a chinese female said to a chinese male who asked her to get into his car to avoid drenching in rain.
“Hulla Dulla hull,khula khula bull(Don’t try to be over-smart. I know that why you men take such roads.)”, an african female said to her male friend who had to apply brakes at a speed breaker.

All males across the world got disturbed after noticing the females’ attitude- “Females consider males as despicable human beings” towards them. Everywhere in the world, males started gathering to discuss the very issue and similarly on the other side, the females had their gatherings. The whole world could now be seen to be divided into only two nations or groups- One which belonged to males and other to females. The final result of all the gatherings was- “All males and females declared a war against other where the one who would touch the other first would lose.”




And that is how, the World War III began.


P.S. All the characters in this post are just fictitious.
Song of the day: Khud ko kya samajhti hai..itna akadti hai!!

The Inquisitive

Inquisitiveness – The innate virtue which Kabbu has. His inquisitiveness almost never worked in his favor. He is among those unfortunates who are only criticized for their inquisitiveness but it was his inquisitiveness which helped him to become a doctor. Now, everyone knows him as ‘Dr. Kabbu’.
    I still remember the very first class of anatomy which we attended together in a medical college. He and me were sitting together on the very first bench. The topic of the class was “Heart”. Kabbu was listening attentively to whatever the professor was speaking. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bee came and sat on Kabbu’s kneecap which diverted Kabbu’s attention. The bee worked like an electric current which lit up Kabbu’s bulb of inquisitiveness. On the very next second, Kabbu’s hand was in air. The professor smiled and permitted him to go on with his question.
“Sir, Makkhi ke paas bhi dil hota hai kya?” Kabbu asked.
As soon as he finished his question, the whole class went rofling.
“Shhhhhhhhhhh, Get up everyone”, Prof. said politely.
“Kyun tumhe makkhi se shaadi karni hai?”Prof. asked.
“No, Sir. I was just asking to improve my G.K.”
“Hmm. Yes, Mr. Kabbu. Tumhari tarah makkhi ke paas bhi dil hota hai.”
“Waise Sir right hand side mein hota hai ya left hand side mein?”
“Left hand side”
“Sir, aapka left ya makkhi ka left?”
Once again, the whole class went rofling.
“What a stupid question it is, Mr. Kabbu. Obviously, Makkhi ka left.”
“Sorry sir. One last question.”,Kabbu spoke softly.
“Go ahead”, Professor replied in a bit harsh tone.
“Sir, jab makkhi itni si hoti hai to fir uska kitna sa hota hoga?”
“What?”
“Dil, Sir”
“Makkhi ka dil makkhi ke size se bahut chhota hota hai”
“Sir, kitna chhota?”
At this question, the whole class burst out into laughter but the professor went red.
“I can’t handle any more questions. Get out!! I say, you get out of my class otherwise I’ll hang myself!!”

There were many such incidents when he was thrown out of the class and professors threatened him to hang themselves. Now, he has become a doctor and runs a clinic just beside his house. The patients were not happy with his habit of asking a large set of questions but used to visit him as he was the only doctor nearby.

Once a patient suffering from headache visited his clinic.
“Dr. Saab, I am suffering from a severe headache.”, the patient uttered.
Dr. Kabbu checked his eyes and tongue. Then he asked the patient,”Since how long are you suffering?”.
“Since 2 days.” the patient replied.
“Is it on the left side or the right side of your head?”, Dr. Kabbu asked.
“Dr. Saab, Both sides.” the patient replied.
“Whose left and whose right? I mean ‘your left and my right’ or ‘my left and your right’ or ‘your left and your right’ or ‘my left and my right’?”
“Arey Dr. Saab, kya bak rahe ho? Mera hi left aur mera hi right hai.”
“O.K. Fine. Any sort of backache?”
“No, Dr. Saab”
“In the neck?”
“No”
“In hands or feet?”
“Nooooooo, Dr. Saab. Nooooo. Nahinn. Nakko. Ledhu. Which language do you understand properly? I am just feeling the pain right in my head and nowhere else. Why are you making my headache more severe?” the patient spoke in a louder tone.
“Arey bhai, itna kyun ghabra rahe ho? Sab poochna padhta hai. Main tumhara doctor hun ya tum mere doctor ho??“, Dr. Kabbu replied in a softer tone.


After a few minutes…..




Dr. Kabbu was found being questioned by an another doctor.

Any sort of backache?”
“Yes, Doctor”, Kabbu replied.
“In the neck?”
“Yes”
“In hands or feet?”
“Yes. Yess. Yesssssss. Haan. Aaunu. Which language do you understand properly? I am feeling pain in every bit of my body. Why are you making it more severe?” Kabbu spoke in a louder tone.
“Arey doctor, kyun meri jaan le raha hai itne questions pooch kar. Jaldi kuch kar nahin to mujhe pran tyaagne padenge.“, Kabbu spoke in a sorrowful tone.
“Arey bhai, itna kyun ghabra rahe ho? Sab poochna padhta hai. Main tumhara doctor hun ya tum mere doctor ho??“, another doctor replied in a milder tone.

P.S. All the characters in this post are just fictitious.

The Investigator

Royal Enfield – A Royal bike which Daddu took from his elder brother. In the last few days of his college life, he brought that bike to the IIIT-H campus so that he may show it to others. He not only used to show his bike to others but also used to boast that he had already ridden a few thousand kilometers on Enfield and it won’t be possible for others to ride even a few kilometers because it might be too heavy for them. I never found Daddu’s physique to be such that whatever he could lift would be at all difficult for others to lift. Whenever Daddu had to attend any class, he used to take his bike so that students in the way to the class could see him riding Enfield and make a cry, “Ohhh Dadduuuuuu, ROYAL ENFIELD“. A wide smile on his face used to tell how much he loved those words. One day, Daddu asked me to accompany him to market to buy goggles for him. Initially he kept riding slow so that everyone in the way could see him riding. But when he noticed that nobody bothered to look at him, he started swerving his bike. That act surely drew the attention of a few bystanders who craned their necks towards him but it was Daddu’s misfortune that a traffic policeman was also among those staring people. The policeman stopped us and spoke to Daddu, “Bete, sadak par kam hero bana kar.. nahin to andar kar doonga….Is baar to sirf tera challan kaat raha hun..” I wished to ask that policeman,”bhaisab, kya andar kar doge?” but I stopped myself. Daddu who had never paid Challan in his life, this time as well tried to trick the policeman. He told to the policemen, “Bhaiya, mere uncle bhi unchi post par hain traffic police mein.. etc etc“. After a few minutes discussion, Daddu just gave him a ten-rupees note as a kind of tip and went forth. After that Daddu started driving calmly and maintained his calmness until we reached our destination – Big Bazaar. We entered many optical shops where Daddu tried many different goggles but was not satisfied with any one of them. Finally, we came out of the Big Bazaar. Then Daddu asked me to wait as he had to go to pee-pee. After a few minutes, I saw Daddu coming along with Ray-Ban goggles over his eyes which he might have bought from the guys who used to sell goggles outside the Big Bazaar. After wearing those goggles, Daddu’s gait had completely changed. He was feeling as if he were on cloud nine. When he came to me, I appreciated him for his goggles which filled more air in his chest.
When we went back to the place where we had kept the bike, we were blown out of the water. Daddu’s ROYAL ENFIELD was not there, it was stolen. All the air filled in his chest started leaking. Daddu searched here and there for about half an hour and finally filed a complaint regarding the theft in a nearby police station. We had to take a bus to reach our campus. Even in the bus, daddu kept wearing his RAY-BAN goggles which drew attention of others but Daddu was not in mood to enjoy any attention at that point of time.


A few days passed but there was no news regarding Daddu’s bike. Daddu, who helped me in finding my stolen mobile, started cogitating that he had to find his bike otherwise he would have to face what students had started saying, “Humesha bakwaas karta rehta tha, ‘Maine Mux ka mobile dhoondha hai, Maine Mux ka mobile dhoondha hai’, ab khud ki bike dhoondh ke bata to jaanein“. Daddu started his investigation regarding the bike. He used to go almost for a whole month to the Big Bazaar since he had a belief that the thief who had stolen his bike would come once more to steal an another bike but nothing happened like that. After seeing the failure of his plans, he decided to go to a Ganesh Mandir on the coming Wednesday. He went to the Mandir as decided and prayed to Ganeshji to help him get his stolen bike. He even made a promise to Ganeshji that he would offer prasad worth Rs. 11 on getting his bike. When Daddu came out of the Mandir, he was taken aback. Something next to miracle had happened. His bike (with the same number plate) was standing at a distance from the Ganesh Mandir. He went on cloud nine after seeing his bike. Instead of calling the police regarding the bike, daddu thought it would be the best if he could also catch the thief as he would have a good long story to tell his college mates. And so he lurked into a dark corner at some distance away from the bike. A few minutes later, Daddu felt like peeing but he controlled it as he could not risk loosing his focus from the bike. A few more minutes passed and no one came towards the bike but Daddu kept his patience and remained focused.


Next day, there was a big headline on the front page of almost every newspaper –

“A few dead and several injured in a blast near Ganesh Mandir”

P.S. All the characters in this post are just fictitious.

ENVISAGE – III

On 1st Jan 2009, when I woke up, I got shocked since Maglu and Magli were standing in front of my eyes.
“Why are they back? What do they need this time?” I started cogitating.
They were staring at me with a beautiful smile on their faces. A little kid was also standing beside Magli with Maglu’s thumb in his mouth. They kept on smiling even when I got up from my bed. Finally, it was me who broke the silence by saying, “Hello” to them. Maglu, Magli and the kid greeted me with the same. The kid’s voice was not clear as he did not wish to take out the Maglu’s thumb from his mouth even for a single second.
“We are here to just wish you a happy new year”, Maglu continued.
“Thank you and a happy new year to all of you. By the way who is this kid?”, I said.
“He is Magla. I mean, he is our Magla. He is the symbol of love between me and Magli”, Maglu replied.
“Ehh, but Magli is supposed to be your sister-in-law. And you…”, I said.
“Ohh, wait a minute, let me complete the sentence. During our last trip to the earth, we fell in love with each other and got married”, Maglu replied.
“Hmm, then it’s fine. Your kid is really very beautiful and healthy. Since Magli is beautiful, one can think of the reason behind his beauty, but how come this kid is healthy since you have a very poor physique”, I asked Maglu.
Since Maglu felt silent on that question, his beautiful wife Magli replied, “Ya, your query is just. We used to feed our Magla with ‘Dhush Dhush Daddu Khush’ powder which helped him in a healthy growth.”
As I myself had a fetish for a good physique, I asked them, “May I have that powder?”
“Ye, Ye. Wi No”, Magla answered this time.
And for the first time, Magla took out the thumb of his father from his mouth and ran to the spaceship and fetched me a jar filled with the powder. A smiling picture of an old man with only two hair left on his head was sticking around the jar. After a few minutes conversation, Maglu, Magli and their symbol of love – Magla flew back to their planet.

From the very next day, I started taking “Dhush Dhush Daddu Khush” powder. The effect of the powder started being visible within a few weeks. My batch mates started talking about me. I was all around in their talks. The girls started asking their beaus, “Dear, do you love me? Tell me naa, you love me. If you really love me then build a body like Mux!”. My weaker batchmates, Chand and Khatri, who were supposed to be stronger than me in early days of my college life, started coming to my room for my body massage and in due course, they used to ask me, “Kuch to body tips do, Mux BHAI. Hum log bhi aap jaisi body banana chahte hain.”. My chest used to swell as and when I used to hear, “Mux Bhai”. I just used to say to both of them, “Bas meri massage kiye jaao, fir koi panga ho to MAIN HOON NAA”.
Actually, I did not wish to reveal the secret of “Dhush Dhush Daddu Khush” powder to anyone.
Some of my batch mates like Richeek started fighting in my name. “Teri Maa ki!! Saale tere ko pata hai, main Mux Bhai ko jaanta hun!!”, Richeek used to say to his opponents. Even some guys like Ranga started impressing their girlfriends in my name. “Mux Bhai na manchi dost raa. Nenu iwala mux bhai to dinner ki veltunanu”, Ranga used to say to his girlfriend.
Even after a few days, I too found a girlfriend for myself. When I saw her for the first time, a sound echoed in my head, “Buddy, She is THE ONE for whom you are searching since ages.” I was enjoying every single second of my life with her. One day when I was walking down to her house with her left hand in my right hand, I felt a sudden hard blow on the back of my head. At that moment, the whole sky appeared to me to be filled with stars. As soon as I turned back, I found –








Prof. Bezawada was shouting at me, “Bete, Class mein to mat soya karo. If you do not wish to complete your MS, at least complete your B.tech and GO AWAY!!”

P.S. 1: Don’t read Atul’s comments
P.S. 2: You must have read ENVISAGE-I & ENVISAGE-II before reading this post.
P.S. 3:All characters in this post are just fictitious and do not reflect to any person alive or dead or any political person

World Cup Final

Welcome to the finals of Cricket World Cup – 2011 being played between Australia and India at Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai, India. You can see the stadium jammed with the cheering crowd. Australia have already won the toss and decided to bat first.
Centuries from Australian Captain Ricky Ponting and Vice-captain Michael Clarke have helped Australia to put a huge total of 359 on the scoreboard for the loss of just two wickets. It is the same total put up by Australia against India in World cup finals – 2003 at New Wanderers Stadium, Johannesburg. Is Australia going to repeat history or is India going to dethrone Australia? Here we go, to look at what happens in the second innings.
Sehwag and Sachin have come on to the field. They are looking very good and aggressive today.
Both Sachin and Sehwag are playing superbly and India is now on 150 for no loss at the end of the 20^thover. Just after the 20^th over, a few wickets have fallen very early but Sachin and Yuvi have managed to take the score to 280 for four at the end of the 40^th over. Still 80 more runs are required in ten overs. Yuvi has been bowled out on the very first ball of the next over. Yuvi’s wicket is a great blow for India. India has once again come under pressure. But Indians still have hope since their master blaster Sachin is on the crease. Dhoni is the new man in. Sachin and Dhoni have handled such a tight situation in a perfect manner and have managed to take the score to 333 for 5 at the end of 48^th over. Now, 27 more runs are required in two overs. Everyone’s pulses are going fast. Ponting has given the 49^th over to Johnson.
Johnson has conceded 13 runs in his over. India requires 14 more runs in just six balls. Lee has come to the attack. The crowd is cheering all around. “Wtf!!” I am really sorry for it but Lee has bowled out Sachin Tendulkar on the very first ball of the final over. Sachin is returning to the pavilion after scoring 172 valuable runs. Bhajji is the new man in. India now requires 14 more runs in 5 balls. Bhajji has taken an easy single on the next ball. Dhoni is on strike now. All Indians’ expectations are from this man. “Wtf” I am extremely sorry for using it again. Lee has bowled him too. 3 more balls to go and 13 runs are required. It’s becoming an impossible target for India.
Zaheer Khan comes in and he has struck the ball very hard but they managed to take only one run. Two more balls are remaining and 12 more runs are required, that means two sixes on last two balls. Bhajji has sent the next ball into the air.
“Oye Balle, Balle!! The ball has successfully gone over the boundary line and it’s a six.” One more six is required on the very last ball. Everyone seems to pray to his/her God. Lee comes running for the last ball and has bowled a beautiful “Yorker”. It went past Bhajji and into the gloves of wicket-keeper. That means, Australia has won.
But NO, umpire has given it a “No-ball” as Lee overstepped. That means, one more ball to go and five more runs are required. Here comes Lee for the final ball and this time, Bhajji has once again sent the ball into the air. Is the ball going to cross the boundary line in the air or not? Ponting is running very hard towards the boundary line, keeping his eyes on the ball. And YES, he has caught the ball just before the boundary line. He himself is not able to believe that he has taken such a GREAT catch and in the excitement, he throws the ball towards the dull-faced Indian crowd.
But “Wtf!”, I am not sorry this time, as Ponting turns back, he finds Zaheer and Bhajji dancing instead of his fellow team mates. Finally, Lee shows his anger and shouts at him –






“OYE,Teri Maa ki!! It was a free hit.”

REPERCUSSIONS

It was the last day of my winter vacations at home. Next day, I was going back to my college, IIIT Hyderabad. I was working on my laptop when my friend Piyush, who studies with me at IIIT Hyderabad, pinged me on gtalk. While chatting with him, he asked me to come to his home town (Bhopal) to have party as he recently got placed in Amazon. As I was traveling from Jaipur to Hyderabad next day, I said “Fine, I would get down at Bhopal tomorrow”. He asked me to reach NIT Bhopal where he would receive me.
Next day, I got down at Bhopal and reached MANIT as planned but I did not find Piyush at the gate. I shouted his name twice or thrice. As I heard no response, I decided to call him at his hyderabad’s number as I forgot to take his local number. Suddenly, my eyes fell on three guys who were staring at me. I went to them and asked, “Have you seen a corpulent guy wearing spectacles.”
“Ohh, do you mean Piyush?” one of them replied.
“Ya, Ya” I replied in an excited tone.
“Actually, we are his friends. He has sent us to receive you as he was busy.”
“That’s all right” I replied
I sat on one of the bikes. After fifteen minutes, they stopped near a big municipal dustbin. When I asked them, “Where is Pppiyush?” They dragged me forcefully behind the dustbin. I don’t remember what actually happened for 8-10 minutes but after 8-10 minutes, I found myself with badly torn clothes and my left eye was appearing to be protruding out. My grey coloured “Amul Macho” underwear was clearly visible through the hole which they made in my blue coloured “Levis Signature” jeans. They did not left me with anything except the torn clothes I was wearing. I cried at their back, “Kutton, Kameenon, paanch rupiye to dete jaao, ghar par call karna hai.”
I went to a STD booth but before I could lift the phone the shopkeeper asked me , “Eh, rupiya hai jeb mein?” I went away without uttering a word. While I was cogitating, “What to do next?”, suddenly I got pee-pee. I searched for a ‘Sulabh Complex’ for about an hour before I found it. When I was about to enter it, a man stopped me and asked, “Ek rupiya hai?”
“Bhaisaab, sirf pee-pee karni hai, aur kuch nahin” I replied.
“Ek rupiya hai?”, he continued.
“Arey Bhaisaab, Nikal jaayegi”, I said politely.
“Ek rupiya hai?”, he continued.
Finally, as the pressure reached up to the extreme limit. I replied in a loud voice, “Nahin hai.”
“Haan to pee-pee municipal dustbin ke peeche jaake kar.” he replied
After getting done with pee-pee behind a municipal dustbin, I started cogitating again. As I had to gather money to make a call at home, I came up with the only option, “Begging.” I sat by the side of a road with my arms stretched out in a begging position. Even after an hour, I found my hands empty. I started crying, “Koi to bhagvan ke naam par de do. Arey bhagvaan ke naam par nahin to Aishwarya, Bipasha, Priety ya Mallika ke naam par hi de do.” Finally one citizien stopped and took out his purse and after searching for 5 long minutes, he dropped a 25-paisa coin in my hand. I said, “Sir, It does not work”. He replied, “Achcha, then give it back”. “Hey Prabhu, maine bhi aaj tak kisi bhikhari ko ek rupiye se kam nahin diya, fir mere saath aisa kyun?” I chuntered.
After three long hours of begging, I was able to gather Rs. 5 (four Re. 1 coins, one 50p coins and two 25p coins). I ran to a STD booth. Before lifting the phone, I thought, “Whom should I call – Mom or Piyush?” As I had the amount for making only one STD call, it was turning out to be a tough decision for me. Finally I decided to call Piyush because he could have helped me at the earliest. I made a call to Piyush and asked him, “Where are you, BUDDY?”









“I am at IIIT Hyderabad” Piyush replied.

P.S. It’s totally a fiction.