Kamine(e) – IV

Chhadami was sitting along with his friends at a cafeteria in his college in the evening.

“Chacha yaar, apan jab mutra visarjan karne jaate hain to apan professor se aisa kyun poochte hain, ‘May I go to bathroom?’. Apan nahane thode hi jaate hain wahan??“, Chhaddu asked Chacha and then started chuckling.
It was only then he stopped chuckling when Chacha replied in anger, “Saale chhaddu kyun chahta hai ki tere D ko K se replace kar doon. Kitni baar samjhaya tere ko, Englishs ke sawals, is God Ke Bachche se hi poocha kar”
God ka bachcha, who was most probably dreaming of a girl, after coming out of his reverie responded to Chhaddu’s query, “Saale chhaddu tu to waise bhi Ladies Bathroom use karta hai. Kisko kya pata ki tu wahan nahata hai ya mutra visarjan karta hai.”
After that everyone started rofling except Chhaddu.

Ohh yes, Chhaddu always used ‘Ladies Bathroom’ during his college time and it was one of his weirdest qualities which was hitherto unknown. No one knew the exact reason behind it. Whether he feared that his darkest secrets would be revealed or did he enjoy peeing in a womanish way, no one had the slightest idea but Dean must knew the reason as Chhaddu had taken his permission for the same. No one had the problem with his habit of using Ladies Bathroom except the college girls. It was not easy for them to share their space with Chhaddu but had to deal with the situation as they had no other option. Chhaddu’s female batch-mates always admired him because of his knowledge but whenever a group of girls used to see him heading towards the Ladies Bathroom, they used to start singing: –

kukuk ku kukukukukuk
choli ke peechhe kya hai, choli ke peechhe
chunari ke neeche kya hai, chunari ke neeche
ho, choli mein dil hai meraa, chunari mein dil hai mera
choli mein dil hai meraa, chunari mein dil hai mera
ye dil mein doongi mere yaar ko, pyaar ko!
aah!

It was the month of October and Diwali was around the corner. The sound of bursting crackers was no more queer to ears at night. Bursting fire crackers was no more restricted to fun making but was extended to commit mischievous acts. A student was even held for bursting a solid cracker(which produces a big sound) in a room of an other student whom their batch-mates used to refer as an “Uncle”. Such mischievous acts were not confined to the hostel rooms but were widespread all around the college i.e. even in classes.

One day, in the mid of a lecture Chhaddu felt the pressure and asked the professor to go to bathroom. The professor permitted him since he knew that Chhaddu had interest in studies and would not fake such things. When Chhaddu reached the Ladies Bathroom, it was preoccupied. After a minute or so, a girl came out of the bathroom. Till then, the pressure being exerted on Chhaddu’s pipe was on the seventh cloud. As he was about to enter the bathroom, the girl said – “Sir, andar sootli bomb laga kar aayi hun. Thodi der ruk kar jaana:P”

“Saali ko bhi abhi bomb lagana tha“, Chhaddu spoke to himself.
After ten seconds or so, “yahan meri pee-pee nikal rahi hai aur yeh saala bomb footne ka naam hi nahin le raha hai. By god, agar agle paanch second mein andar bomb nahin foota to yahan bahar jaroor footega. Ahhhhh…..arey foot jaa….Lagta hai yeh ladki mere ko ullu bana kar gayi hai ya fir woh bomb fusss nikala.”

After a few more seconds, Chhaddu decided to enter the bathroom. It was when Chhaddu touched the door knob that the bomb blasted. The sound of the blast was so huge that it created an enormous pressure on Chhaddu’s pipe and all the liquid contained in it was on the floor. Chhaddu kept looking at the liquid for a few seconds as if it belonged to someone else. It was only after a few seconds that he realized it to be his own and he screamed on the top of his voice –

KAMINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

P.S. 1. All characters in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to a dead or alive is purely coincidental.
P.S. 2. Happy B’day to Hemant Dhingra.
P.S. 3. Song of the day – Nayak nahin, Khalnayak hun main from Khalnayak.
P.S. 4. Read earlier posts in this series.